


I'll never go back

by thatdragonchic



Series: Sometimes He was Quiet [2]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lukas is helping him cope, Lukas loves Philip, M/M, Philip loves Lukas, Philkas - Freeform, This is cute, dealing with philips past, philip is thinking of his past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:10:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8529031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: “Hm… No. Just… last time I saw a guy half naked after a shower… I was getting paid for it.”	“You were getting paid to watch him get out of the shower?”	“I was getting paid to have sex with him, Lukas.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> I actually really like how this turned out and how Philip deals with telling Lukas these things. I think this might be my favorite philkas fic that I've written so far (out of three, this is my fave. But by the time some of you see this, that number is sure to have risen)

Lukas glances over as he pulls on his shirt, over his damp hair and body, Philip’s eyes looking up from his book and his eyes are suddenly empty. He can’t seem to reason the gaze, the way his atmosphere goes silent. HIs eyes were empty but watched with inquiry and then it’s like he’s gone. He’s no longer there anymore. It’s like the life left his eyes, and his world was empty. Philip wasn’t really there anymore, and Lukas stills, watching him. It scared him sometimes when Philip got like this, when his eyes glazed over- except this time he just stared at him. Stared at him long and stared at him hard. 

 

It was the last time he’d ever have to take a client. Watching the man emerge in only a pair of loose grey boxer shorts, walking up to him slowly, staring at him with wide eyes. He already knew that if Helen knew, she’d disapprove. But he does it anyways, staring up at the older man, he was at least 28, with his big doe eyes. He was playing innocent. He was watching like it was the first time he was doing this. He was fooling with him, he was toying with him. Because it turned him on, because they liked it when they pretty teenage boy who sucked their cock looked so pure, like he was some saint that was meant to be ruined. 

The man tilted his head up, and started to kiss along his neck. Small kisses, that lingered for seconds. “Ten dollars per kiss,” he dares. 

The man doesn’t care. He keeps kissing. “That’s fifty. Sixty. Seventy… Eighty-” his breath hitches when he’s sucking on his pulse. “Ninety.” The man bites his collar. “One-Ten for biting.” He kisses his lips. “One-sixty.”

“You think you’re priceless.”

“Oh I am. It’s the last time you’ll ever have these lips and then I’m in the hands of a cop. Try me, bitch.”

The man clenches his jaw and kisses philip again. “Two ten.”

“So what? What’s the final prices for a hand and a blow.”

“Hundred for the hand, two for the blow. Extra twenty five if you want me to swallow. Ten to spit. Forty-five to cum on me. And a kiss at the end is fifty.”

“So how much am I owing you?”

“We’ll see.”

He remembers after it all, the man had pulled out his wallet. Five Hundred dollars, maybe over. He took the money and clenched it between his teeth. Sliding the crease their between them. A man had never looked more horny and teriffied of him before. He held some sort of power. They didn’t get their pleasure if he didn’t get his cash. And if he didn’t get his cash, he could tell. 

“That’s your money.”

“Yeah it is. If I find out I’m any short, you’ll be in jail, pedophile.”

“You came to me.”

“I need to pay for my momma.”

“Yeah you’re druggie, whore-”

“Shut up!”

He threw him another two hundred out of pity. He creased them between his teeth like before and pressed them into his tattered, old, worn out leather wallet. It was his grandfathers, along with his jacket. He slips it back on and looks around. In the late morning light, the place didn’t look half bad. But it also reminded him of the too prominent smell of sex and burnt coffee, alongside the ashes of cigarettes, that he was sure flew with the dust in the air. 

“Hey kid-”

“Yeah?”

“Get your life back.”

Philip looks up at him and he lets the man kiss his cheekbone no charge. The man looks at him, brushing his hair back. “You don’t need to do this forever. They’re giving you the chance some of us wish we had- take it,” he whispers and Philip nods.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lukas finally asks. “Do I have a pimple on my abs or something?”

Philip’s eyes clear up, looking over at him. “Hm… No. Just… last time I saw a guy half naked after a shower… I was getting paid for it.”

“You were getting paid to watch him get out of the shower?”

“I was getting paid to have sex with him, Lukas.”

“But I thought you were-”

“I was young and they knew it. Perves… But they went easy on me, most of them. I did it once, for a thousand dollars. I needed the money desperately. But it was raw. It wasn’t… It wasn’t the good kind of sex. It wasn’t like… the sex you wanted to have. It was giving my body up. It was humiliating. I hated every second of it. I hated that guy. But the other guys… they’d just take blows and hand jobs. They’d pay whatever I asked because I could cry wolf to the cops any second. Say they raped me. Rat them out for being Pedophiles, fooling around with a 15 year old. A 16 year old. I could rat out their drug deals. I knew so much because they told me. Some of them fed me. Some of them paid me. All the money went to mom’s drugs and the bills. I could only make so much. I could only do so much. I had school work, I had a social life sometimes. I wasn’t always… on my knees for people,” he says raising his eyebrows, before they creased, eyes cast down with shame and sorrow, his lips turned in a frown.

“But it’s over now. And I don’t need to worry about who I’m going to blow for cash because… somehow I got lucky. And… I’ve got you Lukas.”

“W-why… have you never told me?”

“Because you’d look down me. And my mom.”

“So why are you telling me now?”

“I don’t know… I don’t like hiding things from you… My mom, she never knew. I told her I was selling my art-”

“Art?”

“Drawings. I draw… or I used to. But I don’t want to go back to that garbage life style of begging and doing anything for a dime. You know?”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” 

Philip stood up and grabbed Lukas by the hips. “Lukas it’s fine,” he cooes, a reassuring (and if he was placing it right-  _ coy _ ) smile on his lips. 

“Why didn’t you just sell your art?”

“I wasn’t good enough. Besides… You should have seen the looks on their faces when I stepped up, like I owned everything they had. Some things drove them crazy, they’d watch me so intensely. Worshipped everything I did for them. I could crease their money between my teeth and they’d lose it. I could steal everything they had and they’d give it to me. I got things out of it. You don’t get things out of people who buy pictures on the street. I mean… maybe they would hit me. Maybe they’d be rough on me. But I never minded. They paid in the end. I would get taken care of. Offered the bath, burnt black coffee made in old coffee machines, a few hundred bucks. Sometimes a good meal. It wasn’t like Aaron… I wasn’t their bitch. I was in charge of them.”

“And you liked being in charge?” Lukas asks.

“In a sub-dominant sort of way.”

Lukas still looked concerned and Philip kissed the corner of his mouth, a hand gently running over his shoulder and over, down his abs and between his pecs. “Lukas it’s okay…”

“You’re not there anymore.”

“No I’m not.”

“That must suck.”

“Like hell but now I’m here with you… I’m yours exclusively.”

“Would you ever go back to that life?”

“Only for my mom. But I can get a job now. I can work… I don’t need to do favors for people.”

“So…?”

“No Lukas. I wouldn’t. I would never… ever… go back to that life.” 

“Did you ever do drugs?”

Philip looked away and he lowers back down to his feet, not leaning up anymore, not being playful anymore. “No… I hated watching my mom do them. I hated watching her stick needles in her arms. OD once, twice… that’s why Helen took me. She OD’d a second time. They had to drag me off her body you know…”

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Sometimes I’m glad I’m here.”

“Did you have friends?”

“Yeah I did. My best friends were Maya, Lucy- who’s this rich girl that goes to Columbia- and Stephen… Who I hooked up with sometimes. I had other friends. I got along with most people. I was on the lacrosse team there. You guys don’t have lacrosse.”

“Lacrosse?”

“You’ve never played lacrosse.”

“Never.”

Philip laughed. “Oh boy, I’m going to teach you and I’m going to kick your ass,” he whispers, Lukas laughing and kissing him softly. 

“Please…”

“You’re good at motocross and I’m good at Lacrosse. It’s a fair trade. Besides, maybe you’ll dad will approve of me more.”

“Maybe.”

Philip kisses him, and the world feels right again. He’s not in that house with burnt coffee, and demanding voices. He’s with Lukas- who makes him smooth black coffee with two spoons of sugar (one for sweetness, and one for touch) and who sometimes will add a little cream. He’s with Lukas who loves Motocross and taking Philip on long rides on his motorbikes and showing him video’s of his matches when he’s home. He’s with Lukas, and that was enough for him. 


End file.
